Monday, January 03, 2011

Today Is "The" Day: Boy Or Girl?

We find out today if our new baby is a boy or a girl, and I'm so nervous that I can hardly stand it. I don't think I was like this at all with Jackson. When I was pregnant with him, I just knew that he was a girl. We had a name picked out, I was seeing visions of pink and purple everywhere, and when the ultrasound tech said, "It's a boy!", I was in shock. To tell you the whole truth, I was a little bit disappointed for about 3 seconds. I just didn't know anything about boys and couldn't help but wonder to myself what in the world I would do with a boy.

Now I know, and I adore baby boys. Jackson has been the best thing that ever could have happened to us, and I know that the whole mother/son connection is a very real thing.

So now I'm in a place where everything I know about parenting could potentially be thrown to the wind with just a few words, and I'm just not sure what to do with myself. I have LOVED having a son, more than I knew could be humanly possibly, and I'm just so nervous about what we will find out today. I wish that I was one of those people that says, "I just want a healthy baby" and be done with it. And of course I want a healthy baby, that's a given. I just know that I'm going to be a nervous wreck while we wait for the results. I was asked several times at church yesterday, "What would I pick if I could?" Without hesitation, my answer was a boy. I have most everything that I need for a boy, and having a boy is all I know. I'm a creature of habit; why would I want to shake things up? That being said, I know God has a sense of humor, so I'm trying not to get myself all hung up one way or another.

Part of my nervousness is because Jackson is still pretty adamant that he only wants a baby brother. He will be going to the appointment with us, and I think that I'm just terrified that he's going to be disappointed (and show his hiney) if we hear that it's a girl. We're trying to tell him as much as possible that we don't get to pick whether we are having a boy or a girl, but I still don't think he gets it. So maybe that's what is bothering me; I know Jackson will eventually be fine with a boy or a girl, because he doesn't have any other choice, but that doesn't make it any easier to face his potential, initial, disappointment.

And the other part of my nervousness is that I know that Jeremy and I only want to have two kids, so if this is a boy, any dream I have a little girl dressed in a pink tutu at a ballerina recital is over, and that's also hard for me to think about.

So in reality, I'm a pregnant, hormonal mess, and I can't make my mind up either way. I know that God has a plan for our family, and whatever we end up getting, we will be so blessed to have another life to join our family. We are so excited about welcoming a new baby, and I can't wait to see what an amazing big brother Jackson is going to be.

Will I have two t-ball and football players in my future, or will I be mixing in ballet recitals and tea parties with a little girl? I guess we'll find out soon enough! Stay tuned!

2 random thoughts:

Kay said...

Maybe she will be a t-ball playing girl. Sorry..I had just to throw that out there. I wanted a girl so bad I could taste it when we were pg with Miss Boo so I get it. I didn't care either way when we had our little guy and I loved him to pieces too. So just breathe..it will be fine! : )

Rachel said...

Oh I'm so glad it's finally time to find out!!

Jackson will be fine either way I'm sure! Ali totally wanted a sister, and it took a while to actually convince her that it was a boy, but she wasn't ever "disappointed", per say.

I can't wait to find out!!

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