Last night Jeremy had headed to church to pick up Jackson from AWANA while I stayed at home with Anderson. Anderson and I cuddled for awhile and then I put him to bed. I let Macy outside for a minute and then I went back to my bedroom to get my pajamas on. I was in my bathroom when I heard Macy start barking hysterically. I ran to the backdoor to tell her to hush when I saw that she was staring at Anderson playset intently. I knew something was underneath based on her bark, but I was horrified when I saw her lunge under the playset and pull out a snake! I was immediately covered in chills from head to toe from fear that the snake in her mouth was poisonous. I ran back into my bedroom to throw on some shorts and then went back into the backyard to grab our shovel from the shed.
Macy was going nuts carrying the snake around the backyard, and it was wiggling like an earthworm in her mouth. I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it. I finally chased Macy and the snake around the backyard enough and Macy dropped the snake. I started attacking the ground like a maniac with that shovel! As if the snake wasn't enough, when I started stabbing the ground a giant yard spider came up out of the grass like something out of the apocalypse! I was dying I tell you!!!
I finally thought I had done enough damage to the snake and it wasn't moving anymore. I covered the snake up with the shovel and then dragged Macy back into the house. The phone was ringing off the hook and I ran inside to get it. It was Jeremy, wondering why in the world I hadn't been answering the phone. Our conversation went something like this:
Jeremy: "Why have you not been-"
Amy: "OMG!!! I JUST KILLED A SNAKE IN THE BACKYARD!!! I'M DYING. I'M DYING-"
Jeremy: "Hold on a second. You killed a snake?"
Amy: "OMG! I JUST KILLED A SNAKE THAT MACY CAUGHT IN THE BACKYARD! IT WAS AWFUL. I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK."
Jeremy: "Calm down, Amy. I'll be home in a minute and will take care of it."
Amy: "OMG! I'M DYING."
When Jeremy got home he went out to the backyard and he and Jackson checked out my little victim. He was bigger than Jeremy thought he would be, probably around a foot long, and much to my disgust, still wiggling around. It was horrific to me. Jackson just told Jeremy to chop his head off! Jeremy scooped him up with the shovel, and I quickly warned him that if he so much as even pretended to put that snake in my direction that it would be grounds for divorce. Ever the wise man, Jeremy disposed of the snake and I went inside to wash off the horror of the evening.
Even this morning, whenever I think about that snake I get cold chills on my entire body. I think I'm gonna need therapy.
Well, I need therapy and a weekend for Jeremy to scour the backyard to make sure that this little hand puppet of the devil doesn't have any friends.