Friday, April 11, 2008

Free Advice Friday

So I am going to start a new weekly thing for my 2 or 3 loyal readers, Free Advice Friday. This will be a chance for you to get some free advice just for showing up. Here goes with my first edition. I hope you enjoy, but even if you don't, it will still be free, and I'll probably keep doing it anyway.
Tanning
Ladies, I like many of you, enjoy being tan. I'm rather Casperish right now, but in about a month I will start enjoying the artificial rays of my local tanning salon. I know it's bad for me, but it would be really bad for Amy's wedding album to show some ghostly white bridesmaid for the next 50+ years. I'm tanning solely for Amy. It's all her fault. I also happen to think that tan-fat looks better than pasty white-fat. My own version of camouflage.

Anyways, when tanning, it is best to keep in mind that when you start to look like an Oompa Loompa, it is best to lay off for awhile. Oompa Loompa orange is NOT a good color to have on anyone. I say this because the sweet girl that checked me out at my Dr.'s appt on Tuesday had this color, and it was not working for her. It doesn't really work for anyone. Skin like leather from tanning too much also doesn't really work for anyone. I went to high school with a girl who owned her own tanning bed, and she would lay in it before school everyday. She looked terrible. I bet she still does. Anyone from PHS class of 1998 knows exactly who I am talking about.

The same color rules apply to self tanner and spray on tans. Both can have catastrophic results. Raise your hand if you have ever had the tell-tale orange streaks from using a self tanner. I have. Knees, elbows, and ankles are the hardest parts to make look good. I myself have never had a spray on tan, simply because I am not so hot on the idea of stripping down to my undies infront of some total stranger so they can blast me with orange spray paint. It's just not for me. So keep the basic rules of tanning in mind as you get ready for summer:
  1. Start slow. If you went to work this morning looking um, pale, then don't go get a spray on tan during your lunch hour and expect for people to not know it's fake.
  2. If you are Oompa Loompa orange during the months of December-February, it is extremely obvious that you are tanning. Who cares if you are pale during the winter. Hellooo. You are supposed to be pale during the cold months. It's practically the law. At least I like to think it is.
  3. Lotion, lotion, lotion.
  4. Wash hands quickly after self-tanning. It's imperative!!!
  5. Avoid Oompa Loompa orange at all costs. If you start to look that color, quit going!!!

That's all. Tune in next week for more free advice until I run out of stuff to say. Have a great weekend!

3 random thoughts:

The Sapersteins said...

That was great thanks for the free advice! I agree 100% They have come out with some lotion I think Jergens Natural Glow, I have heard great things about it. It is a moisturizing lotion that gradullay makes you tanner, I dont think it causes streaks and stuff, because you apply it daily. I dont know, maybe check it out!

The Jones' said...

I,too, am "casperish". I am too chicken to go to the tanning bed though. My reasons are: germs,cancer and all of the stories about being filmed. I am trying to get up my nerve this year though! I have already experienced the stripes of the self tanner this week. I bought the Neutrogena Air Spray. Beautiful stripes down my legs. I have also tried the Jergens that Ashley talked about but it just made me orange...they all make me orange! Love the Free Advice Friday idea. Will check faithfully!

Heather said...

i am about to start tanning for the wedding, too.
problem: i don't tan. i think i just get more freckles and wrinkles.
but i figure a little more color is better than pasty - i am with you on that one.

thanks for the advice - too funnY!!!

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