Ruminations On Life

Since they are so funny, I thought you might like some more Ruminations on life. I just love that website, and I hope you enjoy! My favorites have an * by them.

1. When there’s a power outage, I am easily confused about what will and won’t work without electricity. Can I use my BlackBerry? My toilet? My car?
   
   
2. Have you ever not wanted to go to bed because you know how miserable the next day is going to be?
   
   
3. I knew it was time to properly name my files when windows alerted "the file name "asdfslkdjf" already exist, would you like to replace it."
   
   
4. *I find myself Googling in slow motion to see if Google is smart enough to know what I'm thinking. It usually is.
   
   
5. When I say i have a GPS that means you can stop giving me directions.
   
   
6. *There are certain things I just don't want to know, like how much my salary breaks down to per hour at work and how many calories I consume in cheese per day.
   
   
7. Shouldn't the directions for a microwavable meal say "Caution: food may not be hot"? The desired, and therefore expected, result is that it will be hot. Anything deviating from that is what you should be cautious about.
   
   
8. Pronouncing it 'valevictorian' allows me to assume you didn't graduate at the top of your class.
   
   
9. No matter where the hole in my jeans is located, my big toe will always find it.
   
   
10. *With the price for that little hunk of cheese, no wonder the cow is laughing. In fact, the cow is mocking you.
    
    
11. How can my GPS give me my location on the street, exact speed and direction I am going in, but needs to "acquire better signal" to show me where to go?
    
    
12. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
    
    
13. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
    
    
14. I hate when I think of something really great to say during a conversation but by the time I get a chance to speak, we're on a different topic. Do I let it pass and keep the good thought to myself, or do I awkwardly bring up the old topic again?
    
    
15. The word OK looks like a sideways person.
    
    
16. **My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."
    
    
17. *I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
    
    
18. *There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
    
    
19. No matter how many times I watch Titanic I'm 100% sure that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.
    
    
20. *When my gums bleed at the dentist she always asks me when was the last time I flossed. I look at her puzzled. It was 6 months ago. She was there.
    
    
21. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
    
    
22. A guy friend told me I couldn't join his softball team because it was no place for a skinny, weak, wimpy girl with no athletic or tactical skill whatsoever. I think he was trying to insult me, but I stopped listening at skinny.
    
    
23. I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take on his last name.
    
    
24. *Without Cedric, Hufflepuff would have zero street cred.
    
    
25. ****Probably the dumbest thing you can do in the woods is invade a bear's lair, steal from its cub and then fall asleep inside the den. So when I read "Goldilocks" to my child one day, it's going to be re-titled "Stupid blond girl becomes bear food".

Any favorites?