Exciting and Life Changing News

Jeremy and I recently discovered something that was totally life changing and exciting.

It’s big.

Really big.

Bigger than big.

And no, it has nothing to do with this.

But has everything to do with this: Our dryer, that came with our house, has been drying slow. As in, you could hang clothes outside on a wet day and they would dry faster than they would if they were in our dryer. I’m not exaggerating at all when I say that it was taking us almost 4 hours to dry a single load of clothes.

And I’m graying faster than that.

Jeremy and I recently found out that our dryer has a hidden compartment on the back of the dryer.

And no, it’s not where the missing socks are hiding out. We’re still looking for that compartment.

I’m talking about the hole in the back of the dryer that that big silver tube thingy is attached to. Apparently, and this was news to Jeremy and I, you can take that tube thingy off and reach up into the bowels of the dryer and clean out all the old lint that accumulated in the six years that you have had the dryer.

And you may or may not pull out a pile of old lint that is almost as big as your head.

And it may gross you out to see what has been living in your dryer for six years.

And, as your husband is reaching into the depths of the dryer, you may gently remind him to not get his hand stuck because you really don’t want to be “that” person who called 911 because your husband got his hand stuck in the backside of a dryer.

And your husband my tell you not to worry because, in his words, “You wouldn’t have to worry about calling 911 if I got my hand stuck because I would pull my hand off before I would let you call 911 because I was ‘that’ person who got their hand stuck in the backside of a dryer.”

And after you get an embarrassingly big pile of lint out of the rear end of your dryer, your dryer will completely dry a load of clothes (including towels, because seriously, who has time to separate) in less than 45 minutes.

That’s less than an hour y’all, from 4 hours of non-stop-drying-and-for-the-love-when-will-they-be-dry life that we were leading. And that my friends, is life changing news on the power bill front.

And now, if you will excuse me, I’m going to drop my huge pile of lint into my carbon footprint, or shove it down Al Gore’s throat; I haven’t quite decided which yet. I think a big side of lint would go nicely with all that global warming garbage he’s been feeding us.

The end.